Sunday, August 23, 2009

Emotional Trail Mix

Have you ever had something that you know you needed to do, but you just didn't want to do it? It sucks. It's something that deep down, you know you have to do, but you keep convincing yourself that you can't, or you'll do it later, or why should I? I'm happy now! It really stinks.

The problem with me is that I really like where I am at. I don't want to do what I know I have to, because frankly, I like being stuck in the problem. I'm in a satisfying state of arrested development. I get to think, "Woe is me! Oh my contemptible life!" and I get to watch sad movies, listen to great music, even try to write a song or two (yeah right). Everything has so much meaning and personal application. It's really quite fun. Everything is about you, it seems. Sure, you feel kind of sad and lonely about everything in the moment, but there is a part of me that secretly likes that. That is a part of me that should probably be subdued. It doesn't really seem that healthy.

I need to do what I have secretly known I've needed to do- get real with myself. Realize it's not worth sitting around pining, wasting time over something that probably won't happen. You are only hurting yourself here. Kind of sad. I depress myself, and I don't want to anymore, so here I go. Up the great mountain of no more regrets, wearing my brand new hiking boot of what took me so long. Wish me luck.


Kelsey Anne Johnson said...

I really really liked this.

Stefani Rae Wood said...

Good Luck Carson.

Lara said...

Don't worry, YOU CAN DO IT!!! The trail mix is still yummy even without the m&m's, there are still the cahsews, you just have to hunt for them :)

Summer Florence said...

i love you i love you i love you. and i am praying for you!